i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
