census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
