Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the day after is always just damage control
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
