I can tuck mytits in my pants
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
