hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
