You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
