Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
