The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Randomize
