if you like me you must not know who I am
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
