i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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