My brain says no but my pants say off.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
