you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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