Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
