i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
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