I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everclear isn't food dammit
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