Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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