I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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