I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
