I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
