I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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