I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
