called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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