you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
