I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
