Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
