I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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