She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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