oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
