how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
