You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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