A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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