We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
