i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
