If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
