I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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