Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
