dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
