It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
