hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's the barista slut.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
