Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
