WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
