...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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