She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
