I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
