i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your cock deserves a montage
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
