i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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