the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Randomize
