So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
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Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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