When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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