i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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