Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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