how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Drunk is not a location!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize