The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
