Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In other news, I just burned my penis
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
