I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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