I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
whose ass print is on the piano?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
