Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
