And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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