He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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