I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
