Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
