"it" just moved
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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