but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I still have a little drunk in my system
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
