I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
