I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
