I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
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At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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