He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
