I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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