Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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