I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
