How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
