How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
