cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
