you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
