I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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