I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
