I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
