I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
