I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
