i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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