You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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