so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I want a musical about memes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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