We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
