My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
