Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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