I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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