I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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