They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
