Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
