I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
