Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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